


Sleepwalking Past Hope

by Kokeshixdoll



Category: Jackass (Movies) RPF, Viva La Bam RPF
Genre: Angst, Depression, Drama, F/M, Other, Romance, Skateboarding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:56:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26066857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kokeshixdoll/pseuds/Kokeshixdoll
Summary: After a tragedy and (consequently) climbing the social ladder, high school is finally over! Danielle LaPointe (Danie) dreams of leaving Westchester and old memories behind for a new life at university - but when old flame Bam Margera resurfaces with promises of summer adventure, what will she do? **(Set in 1999/2000)
Relationships: Bam Margera - Relationship





	1. In The Middle

High school was finally over! I couldn’t believe the class of 1999 had actually made it. So much had gone on over the last four years it was a surprise that any of us survived. Between so-and-so dating so-and-so, break ups and heartache, gossip making or ruining friendships, and everything else between (like actual school) - the worst part was just simply living in West Chester. It wasn’t a bad geographical location, but the people were just - No. Now I was free to go away to university, leave all of the nuances of high school and West Chester behind me.

Yet, there was still AP Chemistry. I tapped the end of my pen on my notebook anxiously watching the clock as Mr. Bostick scribbled on the chalkboard in front of the class, squeezing every last second we had before freedom rang. ‘What is taking so long, did time just like...stop?’ I groaned to myself, placing my head in my heads.

* RING RING RING - 

“Oh my god, finally!” Regina exclaimed, standing up and gathering her things. “Come on, Danie, to freedom!!” 

I smiled at my friend. I was really really going to miss Regina - more than anyone else. She was probably the only good thing about West Chester. Not only was Regina incredibly smart (getting herself into MIT), she was undeniably beautiful and an amazing friend. We were in diapers together and practically sisters. Ride or die. It was family tradition even, our moms being childhood friends. With Regina heading up to MA and myself going to UNL, when would we find time to see each other?

“Don’t give me that look, I’ll see you on breaks and holidays.” Regina had said the day she found out she got in to MIT. “If you studied instead of copying my work, you would have had better test scores.”   
She was right after all. I hated the school part of school. I had better things to do, at least that’s what I thought until I was rejected at several high end colleges for my mediocre test scores, including MIT with Regina. Penn State was still a win though. 

“Breaks and holidays..” I mumbled weeks later as they called my name at graduation, ‘Danielle LaPointe.’ I put on a cool smile and walked up to the podium to shake hands with a few of the staff and principal. This was it, High School was officially over. There were several cheers from various friends and family as I headed back with my diploma. 

“Hey mom,” I smiled when we found each other after the ceremony. Regina’s mom, Sarah, and another friend of my mom’s, April Margera, were with her. 

“Oh, I’m so proud of you Danie!” She hugged me tight, her flaming red hair covering my face in a wave of frizz and curls. “Well really, thank god for Regina!” She laughed exchanging looks with Sarah as she pulled away. I rolled my eyes, but couldn’t help laughing as well. It was infectious how everyone was all smiles and happiness. 

“Thanks a lot, I did do some of this on my own ya know,” I said. “Hi Mrs. Margera..” I said a little awkwardly. It was odd she was here, since her son had dropped out in sophomore year and I hadn’t seen him since...I didn’t want to think about that right now.

“Hi Danie, congratulations! Your mom invited me along since I will sadly never get to see this for Bam. You two used to be so close.” April said. 

“I didn’t think you’d mind.” My mom kissed my forehead and I waved it off.

“Of course not,” I said. I liked April, but I didn’t want to go there.

“Let’s go party!!!” Regina screamed as she found us, hanging on me from behind. Her hand accidentally bumped my face. I saw her smile faulted a little at April’s presence, but she quickly picked it back up.

“Hey, watch it party girl,” I laughed as she jumped up and down, still holding onto me. “This isn’t smudge proof.” I pointed at my glossy nude lipstick. 

We only had one stop tonight, as most of our friends were having a big party tonight that would decidedly be held at Tony Dietrich’s (parents) lake house. I wasn’t exactly thrilled since Tony and I had history that didn’t end too well, but we managed to stay cool and for the sake of everyone else. 

Later that night we were getting ready for the party. Regina looked amazing, her long dark hair contrasted my blonde, but matched in cute knots we twisted around our heads. She wore a pair of cropped white slacks with a low cut and shimmery satin black tank top, delicate black pumps to match. I opted for a tank and mini skirt set of crushed velvet in blush pink. I wore squeaky clean white platform sneakers to finish off the outfit. We could be in an MTV music video.

The party was already going when we arrived, the house was surrounded by our friends and their cars. Even though the sun was setting there were a few people splashing around in the lake and having a good time. Regina and I exchanged looks. She knew I had a fear of being in deep water, most people did. I smiled to let her know I was fine. I was, as long as I wasn’t in it.

I noticed music coming from the neighbors house clashing with the party’s music. It was heavy metal, and sounded like they were trying to drown out the hip hop coming from Tony’s. A head popped out of the back door of the neighbors, but it was already getting too dark to make out. He looked as though he was yelling, but between his house and Tony’s it wasn’t heard. 

“It’s so loud,” I tried to say over the music as we walked inside Tony’s, but Regina just mouthed ‘Cant hear you,’ while pointing at her ear and shaking her head. We both shrugged and headed toward the kitchen where the alcohol most likely was. I was never a big drinker, but tonight I felt like I needed it. Everything was changing. It was exciting and scary. I wanted to get out of this town, but I wanted to go away with Regina and I couldn’t. So it sucked. I didn’t want to keep thinking about it and just have a good time.

A couple of hours into the party and I was grinding with Tony in the main room to Ja Rule’s new song with R Kelly and Ashanti ‘Wonderful.’ I had maybe one too many Bacardi Breezers. That was the only way Tony would have otherwise convinced me to dance with him. I laughed as he grabbed my hips and moved with me, but as the song ended I stumbled away and headed outside. I wasn’t feeling like myself.

I needed to get some air and to be alone. At least there wasn’t a music battle with the neighbors anymore and I could actually think out here. Everyone was inside. I looked out toward the water. It was beautiful at night, and frightening. I was feeling a little out of my mind, and my fear seemed like it was starting to build just staring at the black emptiness of the lake. I couldn’t look away though, I was mesmerized. Feeling a little dizzy, I sat on the grass in between the lake and the house to steady myself. I felt a panic attack coming on. This was embarrassing, but I was alone and drunk so it felt okay.

Suddenly Tony was in front of me pulling me up from the ground. Confused, I half held onto him to steady myself and half tried to get him off of me. 

“Why did you leave me in there like that?” He barked, angrier than he should have been. Angrier than I’d ever seen him, he was shitfaced. He gripped tightly onto my arm and it started to hurt. My mind seemed like it was somewhere else, but the pain helped me concentrate.

“You’re hammered, get off of me!” I raised my voice digging my white manicured nails into his arm. 

“Bitch!” He growled, then picked me up and headed toward the water. My mind went deep into fight or flight mode. 

Tony had me lifted over his shoulder, I screamed and kicked at him. When I realized I wasn’t strong enough, the panic attack hit me like a train.   
“Please, Tony, no! Don’t!” I kept repeating on the verge of hysterics. No one from inside the party could hear me, their music still going and silhouettes dancing in the large window. “HELP ME!” I screamed. 

He reached the water and we were suddenly hit by something. He dropped me as he fell over and I landed in the shallow part of the water. I screamed something bloodcurdling and raced to get out of the water, my mind on nothing else. Flashbacks of the last time I had been in a lake gnawed at my brain.

I felt land as I stumbled and crawled the rest of the way out. Memories wanted to surface, but I forced them back and continued into the grass. Tony knew my fear, this was unforgivable. 

It wasn’t until I was safely out of the water that I remembered how I’d gotten away. I looked back for Tony and found two men fighting at the edge of the lake. Confused, I made the figures out to be Tony and possibly the heavy metal neighbor. It ended quickly when Tony hit the guy hard enough to make him stumble back, then marched right past me and back into the house like I didn’t exist. I sat there alone still trying to calm my panic, tucking my head down to my knees but being careful not to expose myself. ‘Just breathe, breathe...’

A hand on my shoulder made me jump. I looked up to find my savior of the evening with dark hair, piercing blue eyes, and a bleeding lip already starting to swell. I laughed slightly hysterically and shook my head. Is this some cosmic joke?

“Hey Danie, are you okay?” He asked, sitting down next to me. For some reason this made me feel like crumbling more. 

“I-I,” I stammered, “I think so..” We sat in silence for a moment and Regina popped in my head. She had no idea and was probably still inside having fun with our friends. Friends..

I started to come down from my panic and felt guilty for the dramatics. Somehow his presence was calming.   
“What are you doing here?” I asked Bam Margera, glancing at the neighbors house. Was it his or a friends? His parents were living in West Chester still.

“I’m renting that house for a couple weeks while I’m in town,” he stated, “I had no idea Tony was next door, or I would have picked somewhere else.” Since they were kids Bam and Tony had a big rivalry. They had been friends in elementary school, but once middle school hit Tony got into basketball and Bam started skating. They made new friends and became very different people. 

“Oh.” It made sense, except wasn’t he supposed to be in California? “I thought you were skating in California or something?” 

“I do a lot of touring and stuff, but I’m home a lot too.” He replied, and I felt terrible. Once upon a time we were friends too..I didn’t want to think about that though.

“Look Tony is a fucking asshole,” Bam said, anger in his voice. “He knew what he was doing, fuck him.” 

I nodded in silence, avoiding looking at Bam even if I was grateful for his help. He was trying trying to help last time you saw him too, a little voice crept into my head. He grinned at me and I couldn’t help but smile back, even though the words hurt a little. 

“Yeah..” I trailed off “Well, I should find Regina and go home.” I got up, stumbling slightly and placing my hand on Bam’s shoulder to steady myself. Touching him made my chest hurt with unwelcome thoughts. He needed to go away. I needed to leave. This night was turning to shit.

“You’re going back in there?” He stood up next to me sounding incredulous. It was obvious to both of us that no one had come to my rescue and Tony was a douchebag. They weren’t my friends. 

“I have to,” I started walking back toward the house leaving him standing there.

“Let me take you home, don’t go back in there like an idiot.” 

My shoulder tensed and I stopped for a moment. I wanted to turn and yell at him, but I knew if I did then everything would come out that I had pent up since Sophomore year. He was out of my life, he couldn’t just come back like nothing happened. I wouldn’t allow it.

I left him standing there and went back into the party.


	2. Faith Ceased to Exist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mention of death

My body felt weightless, but I did not float. I laid at the bottom, trying to blink past the murky darkness at the only source that offered some light. It felt too far out of reach as it shimmered ahead, dancing on the surface of the water. Is this what The Little Mermaid saw when she so longed to join the human world? Was that light her hope for a better future?

I tucked my chin down to my chest, feeling my hair shift around me. ‘I’ll just stay here a little longer,’ I decided. It was calm. There was finally peace. I closed my eyes.

A loud knock echoed beneath the surface that forced me back into myself. I sat up and finally took in air that I hadn’t realized I needed until that moment.   
“Danie, are you almost finished?” Mom called, trying for the doorknob and finding it locked. “You’ve been in there awhile, honey,” She said sternly, “I have that meeting I need to get ready for, so hurry it up.”

I pulled my knees to my chest and rested my head, blinking the water from my eyes. What was I thinking? I shook the thought away, not willing to go there and pulled myself up out of the tub. The mirror across from me revealed that I was only human, not a mermaid - and with that returned my phobia. I quickly hopped out of the tub and pulled the drain plug, watching the water spiral down with anxiety. 

“Danie, now please!” Mom called out having returned. 

“Okay, okay!” I called back, “I’m out!” I opened the door and hurried past her in my towel, heading for my bedroom. We bumped arms and she went wide eyed. “Geez, you’re ice! Next time get out when the water is cold!” She said a little annoyed before shutting herself in the bathroom.

**

The first week of summer was so far a bust. Apparently Tony had the best end of the year party, but I had gotten so blitzed only one thing from that night had stood out - me walking in on Regina hooking up with Tony in the lake house bathroom - her reasoning later being that she would be heading up to MIT soon, so there would be no consequences for her actions this summer. 

My best friend and my ex? What the hell! It wasn’t that I was mad about it, just confused. Regina could do better. SO much better. Now it made sense why she dragged me out to Tony’s. In a way, I saw it coming. She had been a little more flirtatious than usual with him the last week of school, and when I had first asked her about it, her response was “I heard his dad is buying him a Mercedes Benz for getting into Princeton.”

My family had never been wealthy on that level, and neither had Regina’s. Our moms had grown up together, married and had babies together - Regina and I were supposed to do that too. In a way, I felt like I was a disappointment for not going to MIT. I had always known Regina was top level smart, but Tony? No way, A pigeon had more brains. I’m sure his dad offered a “donation.” It wasn’t fair - no scholarships or special donations for Danie. Either way, I would get out of Westchester. 

Knocking pulled me out of my thoughts again. I sat on my bed lazily flipping through a magazine and half dressed in a baggy T shirt with basketball shorts when the door opened. I expected my mom or Regina (since they were the typical culprits of barging in), but it wasn’t either of them. It was Bam.

“Hey, your mom sent me up-“ He said casually as he glanced around my baby pink, very girly room. “Wow.”

“Bam?” I quickly sat up, my heart racing. “You’re in town?” 

Bam looked confused and moved into the room, standing in front of my white vanity dresser. “Yeah, I saw you the other night...” He trailed off expectantly. I furrowed my brow, not sure what he was talking about. “...at Tony’s..” He encouraged me.

“Shit.” I blurted, remembering little pieces, but not being able to put the memory altogether. “I’m sorry, I don’t..” I shook my head and an awkward silence hung in the air.

“Well that sucks,” He laughed, breaking the tension. “I got this saving your ass.” He pointed at what looked like a mostly healed busted lip. I hadn’t even noticed it when he came in. 

“Must not have done a very good job,” I half joked, not sure if I wanted to know what he meant. “I had too much to drink that night, I’m still recovering.” I explained, gesturing toward my apparent laziness. I had also been grounded after my mom found Regina and I stumbling home the next morning still drunk as sailors, then slept it off most of the day. So there wasn’t a point to getting dressed.

“Well, I just came to see if you were alive. I was kind of an asshole,” he ran a hand through his mop of black curls. “And you look alive, so I’ll get out of your hair.” 

Seeing him hurt something inside, brought anxiety. He threatened me with memories from when we were young, and Sophmore year was far from being anything I was ready to face. I spent most of my days throwing distractions in my way, and they usually worked - but with Bam, I knew every safeguard I put up threatened to crumble. 

“Actually,” Bam said turning back to me, “Do you wanna grab some food?”

“Can’t - grounded.” I said automatically, feeling a bit relieved and a bit guilty. 

He gave me a blank look and left - and that was it. The walls shook and started to crack. My chest tightened, and I felt myself wanting to crumble. I didn’t want to hurt him, at one point we had been best friends - him and our silly gang. 

After what happened Regina made me start hanging out with her friends. We had always been close through our moms and were like sisters, but she had been class president and popular while I was the typical ‘girl next door.’ The guys also pitied me. I saw it in their eyes everyday, and I just couldn’t deal anymore - so I stopped hanging out with them and chose a more superficial life. Then Bam had left to pro-skate. It was just easier to have my walls.

“Sarah said it’s fine-“ Bam suddenly appeared back in the doorway “Whoa - Are you okay?”

I lifted my head slightly from in between my knees to peek at him and released the grip I had on my arms. ‘Shit,’ I thought ‘He didn’t leave..’ I needed to pull myself together.

“Yeah, I’m fine!” I said a little louder than I probably needed to; I wasn’t just trying to convince him, but myself. “Let me get dressed real quick and we can go.” I said ushering him out of the room, trying to cover up the fact that I was on the verge of a panic attack.

I leaned my head against the mirror, avoiding eye contact with my reflection. Instead I stared at the make up I had scattered on the dresser and focused on my breathing. Was I really about to go have dinner with Brandon Margera? Why couldn’t he just accept that I was grounded? Of course Mom would say yes. Mom and April were friends, and even though Bam and I weren’t anymore - it didn’t stop mom caring about him. 

After throwing on a white tank top, with some overall shorts and my doc martins - I twisted my blonde hair up and headed out the door. “You’re sure my mom said it was fine?” I asked as I followed him outside of the house, noticing my mom had already left for the meeting.

“Yeah, it’s cool.” He answered and grabbed his skateboard.

“So where are we going?” We walked together at a distance, an awkwardness between us that continued to linger. Was it him, me - or maybe both of us? 

“Where do you want to go?” He asked as I looked around realizing he didn’t drive over, and I didn’t have a car. 

“Well I don’t think we are going too far.” I answered point blankly as we continued to walk.

“You still got your board?” He asked with a smirk, his blue gaze piercing into me. 

“That’s not happening.” I hadn’t skated since Freshman year, and honestly it was kid stuff. 

“That’s not what I asked.” He said, turning back to my house and jumping on his board. I jogged after him in my boots, trying to keep up.

“Hey! No way!” I shouted as I heard him fumbling around in my garage. 

“Yes!” Bam grinned, holding my skateboard over his head. He stood on it, testing out the wheels and trucks, and strength of the deck. “Wow, these are way too loose.” He frowned and flipped the board over. I walked over curiously, peering over his shoulder to gaze at the standard design of my Element deck. Bam had given this to me end of Freshman year, right before he had gone pro when I broke my old one.

“Have you even skated with this one?” He asked as he pulled a socket wrench out of an old toolbox and started messing with the trucks. 

“Bam..” I said, feeling the knots form in my stomach, “I don’t skate anymore.”

“What?” his eyes widened in surprise, “When was the last time you skated?” 

I shook my head and turned away, not wanting to do this right now - or ever. “You know the last time..” I mumbled. I felt Bam’s heavy gaze on me and ignored it, choosing to stare at his hands as he worked.

“It’s been two years..” he replied slowly.

“Let’s not.” I cut him off.

“Okay..” he said quietly, but continued to tinker with the board, occasionally standing on it and testing its durability and balance. I watched him in silence, knowing I was the reason for all of the awkward tension. I was being a bitch, but I couldn’t help it. We were strangers now and even though we had good memories, there were bad ones too. This was weird.

“Here we go,” he beamed, “She’s ready for you now.” Bam said hopping off and gesturing toward the skateboard. Realizing he wasn’t going to drop it, I swallowed and took a deep breath. “Alright, let me change my shoes..”

I came back with a pair of black converse I had sitting in the back of my closet. Not my favorite to skate in, but I wasn’t scuffing up any of my good sneakers. I worked too many hours at Moo Moos Ice-cream last summer for that to happen. 

I climbed onto the board, and even though it felt familiar - It also felt too uncontrolled. “I don’t know about this,” I complained, biting my lip, “I’m so gonna bust my ass.”

“You’ll be fine, just like riding a bike!” Bam laughed, grabbing my hand so that he could drag me along on the skateboard outside of the garage. He pushed the button to close it as we exited. In that moment, I realized he still remembered my dad’s key code. We never did change it after...  
At that thought, I dropped his hand, but all too suddenly which caused me to lose balance and shoot the board from under me. 

“Ow...” I frowned, standing and dusting myself off. I was fine, physically - but it felt like there was some gnawing shadow inside of me. I didn’t always act like this, have such an attitude...I was usually good at pushing away the anxiety and depression. Maybe it was the hangover. Surely Bam alone couldn’t put me this much on edge..I shouldn’t have drank so much at Tony’s. Most of the night was a blur.

“Hey,” I said, grabbing my board and deciding to hop back on, giving a little push in the direction we had previously been walking. Bam walked along beside me carrying his board. “You said I saw you before, so you were at Tony’s?” 

“I was at the house next to Tony’s,” he corrected, they never got along well. “But..” he said slowly, thinking over his words, “Yeah, I saw you.”

“And you’re lip?” I asked.

“Tony.”

“What happened?” I asked, remembering what he said earlier. 

“Man, you did look pretty wasted,” he said with a laugh, but he looked a little sad. “I’m still surprised you forgot.”

“Yeah, me too,” I replied hotly, wanting answers. “Did something happen that I don’t know about? Why did you feel like you had to check up on me? You said you were an asshole, what did you do!?” Dear god, was I almost raped or murdered? Regina said we both had a great time, was she lying?

“Look, Danie,” Bam said sharply, probably fed up with my attitude. I could see the heat in his usually ice blue eyes rising, “Tony was dragging you to the lake and you were losing your shit. I didn’t know what to think. I was just trying to do the right thing, and somehow you still went back into the house after Tony.” The words flowed out hotly. After seeing my pale expressions, he let out a sigh. “Do you want me to go?”

I shook my head, not saying anything out loud. It was funny, I used to be such an annoying kid and the past couple of years I became this quiet, serious thing. I guess being the reason your father died could do that to a person. It’s why I was being an asshole to Bam, some part of me blamed him too.

“We dated for a little bit,” I admitted, almost feeling bashful talking about it. He looked surprised and was about to say something, but I continued, “It didn’t last long at all and afterward we kind of stayed friends mutually.” I explained. “I can’t be around him too much when he drinks though. Even though he never seemed like he cared, I don’t think he handled the break-up well.”

“Anyway, Regina’s keeping him occupied now.” I said, and at the moment wondered if Regina knew about the lake incident at the party. Surely, she wouldn’t hang around Tony if she did. 

“Well,” Bam started slowly, then laughed “Thats fucking gross.”

**Author's Note:**

> **Hello to anyone reading, us Bam (and Ville) fans are still hanging around! With that, I bring you this story that has been floating around in my head for at least a decade!! Side note: I’m a HUGE BTVS fan, so I always imagined Danie as a ssn 1-3 Buffy appearance and style - wise, but obvsiously as a fanfic it’s open for interpretation! LOL I hope you enjoyed the first chapter! I already have this story mapped out and a sequel in the works!  
> Also, it picks up - promise!


End file.
